


Nascence || Atonement

by Hitsugi_Zirkus



Category: Lamento -BEYOND THE VOID-
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Leaks' A+ Parenting, Loss of Parent(s), Parent-Child Relationship, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 20:10:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9401117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hitsugi_Zirkus/pseuds/Hitsugi_Zirkus
Summary: In the darkness, Leaks wished he could promise he’d never allow Konoe to be hurt. But he couldn’t. It would be a broken vow as soon as he uttered it.AU in which Leaks informally adopts Konoe and does his best to continue being a heartless magician and passable parent





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again, everyone! I come with a Lamento fic that Kuma kindly commissioned me for! It took me a bit to get to it, but it's finally here, mostly because I found our old convo of this and it made me emotional. I had to write it right away. On that note, I hope this AU is enjoyable to read and that it hits your feels, even a little. Me and Kuma are just such suckers for emo papa Leaks.
> 
> I had on the Journey OST as I wrote this, so the title comes from the name of two songs that I think fit the story.

It was in her hair, the long, loose strands that curled around her delicate throat and wrists. It was in the heavy violet exhaustion under her pale eyes. Death danced on her lips when she forced herself to smile, and when that smile finally broke on the crown of her kitten’s head.

She was weeping, watching the Moon of Light sink down behind the trees. It was full of life and light, and once it disappeared, she seemed to know that she’d sink down with it too. Her kitten was cradled in her arms, oblivious to the sickness that was killing her heart and body. His fragile innocence was one that the growing shadows threatened to steal away.

The world was a cruel place. She might not have believed it once upon a time, but Leaks had observed the change in her over the past year, the slow decay of her spirit.

When she noticed Leaks, he was not sure what about him prompted her to do it. Perhaps she was simply desperate. Perhaps she remembered the cat Shui had told her about, the mysterious magician cursed to live alone in the forest.

She held the kitten out to him. “Please,” she whispered.

Leaks heard her regret, her sorrow. She was fragile, just another pitiful life tangled in the dark, twisted web that trapped the ribika in a sinful life -- and she seemed to know it.

 _Take him away from this_ , her eyes pleaded.

So Leaks reached out and plucked the sleeping kitten from her arms. When he glanced down, he saw the light-brown tips and white base of his ears, the opposite of Shui. The end of the tiny tail that curled around his leg was crooked. Leaks cradled the kitten to his chest, regarding it carefully and feeling its tiny weight on his arm. Just how crushable and precious a life it was dawned on him, and for a split second, a tender warmth bloomed in his heart. Just as quickly as it came though, he was sure he abhorred the kitten’s existence.

But his mother saw that slight change in his expression, that protective curve of his arm under her kitten, and she smiled. She thanked him, so softly it was lost under the evening breeze. She stroked the soft head of her child one last time before slowly withdrawing to her hut.

The kitten mewed. Leaks waited until he heard the last breath drawn from within that hut.

The Moon of Shadow rose. Leaks brought the hem of his cloak up and wrapped the kitten in it to shield him from the growing chill.

“Don’t fuss now, Konoe,” Leaks said when the kitten wiggled. “The heart of the forest will take some time to get to. If we want to get there before the monsters run rampant, we can’t have any distractions.”

But Konoe continued to squirm, searching for the familiar face of his mother. Throughout the hour, he whimpered and fussed for her. Leaks held him tighter to his heartbeat, both to keep him quiet and reassure him. Eventually Konoe fell asleep, tears drying on his chubby cheeks as he surrendered himself to the warmth and safety of Leaks’ hold.

* * *

Four years passed with the orphaned kitten Konoe growing up in the company of the once-solitary magician Leaks in the illuminated heart of the forest. With each passing day, he grew to physically resemble Leaks more and more -- same hair and eye color, same shape of their lips and face. It was a bit eerie, especially for Leaks’ servant Firi, who couldn’t bully Konoe too much because his scowl was far too similar to his dear master’s. Really, the only difference between them was the color of their fur, and Leaks knew that even that would change with time.

Because of how their faces so perfectly mirrored the other, Konoe couldn’t be blamed for thinking that he was related to Leaks, that he was connected to him by a precious bond. How _wrong_ it was. He used to imagine himself as Leaks’ family, and had taken to referring him as a parent up until he was four when Leaks finally seized him by the shoulders and explained in a low, dangerous voice,

“Listen carefully: I am _not_ your parent. Both of your parents are dead. They were killed by this world and now you have _nothing_ . You are _alone_.” It was a horrible truth to tell a kitten, but Leaks was never one to mince his words, especially after casting his emotions away from his heart.

Konoe opened his mouth like he wanted to argue it. The child was headstrong and just as short-tempered as Leaks when he wanted to be. Instead, disappointment in his eyes, he looked down and nodded.

“Yes, Leaks.”

Leaks never allowed Konoe to believe their bond was deeper than what it was, but neither did he provide an explanation for what they were to each other, or where Konoe came from. Konoe stopped begging for answers after seeing how the questions agitated Leaks.

But still, Konoe was full of insatiable curiosity. He didn’t earn his knowledge from books like Leaks, but outside in the forest. There was an invisible barrier set up so Konoe could only wander so far, but he spent most of his time outside, observing the flowers under his feet, and climbing trees to stare up at the clouds between the branches. He spun under the Moon of Light’s warming rays, humming mindlessly to himself.

In that regard, it was difficult for Leaks to not think of how much Konoe resembled _Shui_ instead.

One day, Leaks left to gather some potion ingredients. As usual, he made Konoe stay at home with Firi. When he got back, Konoe was sitting in a thick patch of clovers, and his ears perked up when Leaks approached. Instead of a “welcome back”, Leaks was met with a question.

“Leaks, why can’t I go into the forest too?”

Lowering the hood of his cloak, Leaks looked down at Konoe. “I believe I’ve told you many times that the forest is dangerous. It’s inhabited by a great many monsters. Some you can identify right away. Others look like you and me.”

“Like other cats?” Konoe asked the question carefully, knowing how Leaks felt about discussing ribika.

But Leaks was patient this time, and he offered his hand out to Konoe. “Correct. You haven’t forgotten what I’ve told you, have you?”

Konoe stood and took Leaks’ hand, following him back inside the great, tower-like tree of their home. “Cats are cruel beings, and they need to be punished for what they do,” he recited. “They hurt the forest and each other. They’re bad for the world.”

“That’s right.” Leaks wasn’t sure if Konoe really understood, but if it kept him from asking more questions and wandering off, then they were more-or-less on the same page. Of course, Leaks knew that the difference between them was that Konoe had never seen any other cat before. And deep down, Leaks also knew that Konoe had inherited the curiosity of both himself and Shui, and it wouldn’t be long before he was dissatisfied with the small world Leaks had confined him in.

So when Konoe was five, Leaks was unsurprised to find that he had found out how to get past the barrier late one night. With a sigh, Leaks departed to go after him.

He didn’t pluck him up straightaway. No, Leaks decided it was high-time for a lesson, and he lurked a few paces behind. Leaks didn’t ask much of Konoe, only that he obeyed what he said. But Leaks remembered his own rebellious phase with his past teacher and knew that this was simply a part of growing up. It still displeased him to be disobeyed, but perhaps now Konoe would finally know why only the first half of the “curiosity killed the cat” saying got passed around.

Even with the silver light from the moon, shadows spilled in abundance over the forest floor where Konoe skittered about. He was clutching an athame of Leaks’ in his tiny hand, and his ears were twitching with every sound of nightlife around him. Leaks heard him breathe in amazement at the call of an owl and the twinkle of fireflies around him. Konoe took to chasing them, cupping one in his hand before releasing it to catch another. He laughed to himself, having the time of his life.

But as with all things, this peace didn’t last.

A branch snapped heavily just ahead, followed by a predatory growl. Both Konoe and Leaks straightened up to see a beast standing just a few yards away. In the moonlight, the only thing to be seen were its eyes and teeth when it snapped its jaws.

The fireflies left, and Konoe’s ears pressed flat in fear when the creature spotted him. He dashed out of the way when the beast lunged and he held up the athame with a shaky arm. When the beast retailiated with a swing of its mighty tail, Konoe dropped the knife and ducked. The tail hit the nearby tree with a force that shook the ground and made Konoe cry out.

“H-help me--”

 _This is how you’ll learn_ . Leaks’ jaw was set tight. His fur stood on end. He wouldn’t allow the beast to kill Konoe of course, but... _This is how you’ll learn why you need to fear the world. And you need to know this is what despair is, when you have to save yourself_.

Konoe ran and crawled under a bush. Tears streamed down his cheeks when the monster roared in frustration. It smashed at the nearby bushes and Konoe ducked his head.

“Help me, please!”

 _In this world, all cats are forsaken_. Perhaps now, Konoe would finally understand what Leaks had been trying to teach him.

The beast roared again, kicking away Konoe’s bush with its tail and exposing him. Konoe shrieked, fear pinning him to the forest floor when the beast loomed above.

“ _Leaks!_ ”

Leaks broke from the shadows and descended upon Konoe in one desperate instant. He flung a sleeping spell at the beast before gathering Konoe in his arms and running them through the forest. The noise of the struggle would no doubt attract other monsters, so they had to get home and into the barrier fast.

Konoe clung to Leaks, crying and shaking. Leaks tightened his grip, heart hammering out of his chest. Was it adrenaline? The sensation was an awful, squeezing thing that threatened to steal his breath.

Apologies were the first thing to weigh on Leaks’ tongue, but all that tumbled out was, “You’re safe. I’ve got you, Konoe. It’s alright. _I’ve got you_.”

Even when they were safely back inside the barrier, neither of them stopped clutching at the other. Leaks actually wobbled to his knees, cradling Konoe to him. Was he shaking? It had to be in anger for being disobeyed.

For a terrifying minute, he remembered just how fragile this kitten was. He imagined Konoe’s small body crushed of life. The curse would come undone, and Leaks’ pain and empathy and love would flow back into him -- and afterward, he was sure the sight of Konoe being taken from him would utterly tear his spirit in two.

In the darkness, Leaks wished he could promise he’d never allow Konoe to be hurt. But he couldn’t. It would be a broken vow as soon as he uttered it.

* * *

After that, Konoe didn’t wander out of the barrier again, but the curiosity he had for the outside world didn’t die. Leaks found himself admiring that aspect of Konoe that faced something unknown and terrifying, but still moved beyond that fear.

He was surprised when Konoe came into his study one afternoon, hands behind his back. He pattered over, waiting until Leaks looked up and put down his quill before revealing what he had. His tiny hand was further dwarfed by the single, large flower he held. The petals were a bright yellow surrounding a dark center, like sunrays radiating from darkness.

“You don’t have this one,” Konoe said, pointing to the jars of flowers on a shelf. His eyes were averted, as if too shy to look at Leaks.

Leaks blinked, wondering if this was supposed to be an apology for disobeying him. He plucked the flower from Konoe’s hand, examining it. He was vividly aware that the last cat to give him flowers was…

A bittersweet breath caught in his throat.

“Thank you,” Leaks finally managed to say. He put the flower aside and brought Konoe’s stool close so that he can read over texts as well. The afternoon passed in quiet as they studied. But later, Leaks put a spell on the sunflower to preserve it, and kept it in its own vase close to the window where it can drink in the light.

 _Some suns don’t deserve to die_ , he supposed.

 

* * *

A few weeks later, he decided he’d let Konoe see one other cat.

On his next trip outside the barrier, he brought Konoe and Firi along with him. Since it was daytime, Konoe bustled around left and right in barely-contained excitement, and that left Firi hissing after him and threatening to feed him to monsters. It did nothing to damper Konoe’s mood.

They arrived at the shrine in half a day, and Leaks luckily didn’t pick up scents from any foreign cats. Leaks led them in the stone-carved corridors he was so familiar with. Behind him, he heard Konoe exhale in awe at the carvings on the walls, but he noticed how he shrank back at the torches waving their flames at them. Leaks’ ears pressed flat as well at the sight of the fire, staying carefully in the middle of the corridor and trying not to look at them. But every time he blinked, the purple afterimages of the fire send him back to _that night_.

“Leaks, who lives here?”

“A shaman,” Leaks replied, grateful for the distraction. “He lives a solitary life, but cats are known to wander in here to seek his wisdom.” As an afterthought, he said, “I used to live here.”

“And you’ve finally come home.”

Leaks didn’t react to the voice behind him, but Konoe gasped. Leaks turned, making some distance between himself and the new cat in the room. “Hello, Bojyo.”

The shaman’s lips drew slowly into a smile, and as always, it was laced with secrets. They swam in his eyes as well, as if he was looking beyond Leaks’ very self. “My dear old pupil,” he said, his words drawn out. “Even I could not foresee you suddenly becoming a parent. This _is_ a surprise.”

“Yes, aren’t you happy to be a grandfather at last, old man?” Leaks said with an unamused huff. “Bojyo, this is my servant, Firi. And this is Konoe.”

Still smiling, Bojyo’s gaze slipped down to the kitten in front of him. He gathered up his robes and crouched down to meet those innocent, bewildered eyes. “Hohh. Konoe, right? My… You’ve met with a terrible fate, haven’t you?” There was amusement in his tone that didn’t match his words, and he looked back at Leaks as he said them.

Of course nothing was hidden to the shaman. As clearly as an open book, Konoe’s history had been made plainly to Bojyo in an instant. Leaks narrowed his eyes.

“That’s not what--”

“Why do you wear that mask on your face?” Konoe asked suddenly. “How can you see?”

Bojyo laughed deeply. “Rest assured, my sight is better than most cats.”

“Do you see lots of cats? What are they like? Why do you help them if cats are bad?”

At that, Bojyo paused, apparently surprised. After a moment, he reached out, patting Konoe’s head. “You’re a curious one. Just like Leaks. I suppose you’ve inherited a great many things from him. But we’ll talk later.” Bojyo got to his feet, and there were shadows crossing over his face as he leaned toward Leaks. “I’ve just prepared lunch. Join me. You and I can discuss what you came here for afterwards, my pupil.”

* * *

The afternoon passed without incident. Konoe managed to behave, although he was clearly full of questions for Bojyo while at the same time regarding him carefully. Leaks couldn’t blame him since this was the first cat Konoe has seen outside themselves, and he was a rather strange one.

But Leaks did have business with his old teacher, so Konoe was allowed to look around the shrine (Firi reluctantly close in tow) as Leaks went to a secluded area with Bojyo. His research with the Two Moons and his plan to destroy the world had reached a stand-still, and he needed to know more of what he had to do. He didn’t honestly expect that Bojyo would help him -- not out of any love the shaman had for the world, but because it was simply not in Bojyo’s nature to outright tell Leaks _anything_. That was always the infuriating part about him.

An hour into discussion, Leaks finally had enough of his questions being evaded and countered with Bojyo’s own inquiries. He crossed his arms and sighed, leaning onto one of the many glyphs on the wall.

“That kitten is quite the specimen,” Bojyo remarked, looking off into the room where Konoe was telling Firi what particular glyphs mean. “Takes after his mother well. His father too. Although one would never guess it, since you’ve given him your face and cynicism.”

“Shut up.”

“But he also has your love.”

Leaks glared at Bojyo. “It’s what I cursed him with.”

“You still believe that,” Bojyo said with a cryptic smile. With that tone of voice, it was hard to discern what Leaks was being accused of -- that he believed he cast off all his love and empathy to Konoe, or that he believed love was a curse in the first place. Either way, Leaks hated that complacent tone.

He made to leave, but Bojyo held him back. “It’s late in the evening. It would not be wise to venture back at this hour. Stay the night, you and your companions can bathe in the nearby spring and then sleep in your old room. I always keep it just as you left it for your visits.”

Leaks was fully capable of traveling through the forest at night, as was Firi. But he supposed that if Konoe was to be as safe as possible, then he should do as Bojyo said. It didn’t mean Leaks liked it though. He grimaced.

“Fine. Just _one_ night.”

* * *

Leaks had never cut his hair.

Every so often, he’d trim his bangs, but the rest of the ash-blond strands tumbled down his back, over his shoulders, and pooled at his feet. Each year of his long, long life was shown in every inch of his hair, proof of how long he lived and how much he experienced. It was the physical manifestation of how he was the unchanging constant of this forest, that he alone stood in the middle of this world, untied by time.

Before every bath, he unwound the braid from his neck and unraveled the plait, tangling his fingers in the now wavy strands. And after he bathed, he combed through it and re-braided it. It was a regular ritual, one he took comfort in, getting lost in memories of the past as he took care of his hair by himself.

But now, tiny hands unraveled and re-wove his braid. Inch by inch, Konoe brushed through Leaks’ hair, tackling tangles rather aggressively, and it always took him longer than if Leaks did it himself, but by now he couldn’t bring himself to refuse when Konoe asked in that childish voice if he could take care of Leaks’ ridiculously long hair.

This night was no different. Leaks and Konoe just finished their bath and Firi left to start his. They sat in Leaks’ old room, most of the books gone and now burned from that night, the last time Leaks ever saw Shui alive. Maybe it was because Leaks was losing himself in the gentle tugging of Konoe braiding his hair, but he found himself thinking deeply of Konoe’s father. He thought of how Shui used to compliment his hair, how he smiled, how he sang, how his fingers moved over the strings of his lute.

Leaks thought of how the only proofs that Shui ever existed were sitting together in this room.

“Leaks,” Konoe said when he tied-off the braid, “thank you for bringing me outside too. I saw so much today.”

“Mmn, did you enjoy it?”

“Uh-huh. I know why you like the world so much now.”

At that, Leaks frowned, turning to look at Konoe. “What makes you think I _like_ it?”

“If you didn’t like the world, you wouldn’t care so much about protecting it. You read about it so much too. It makes me think you really like the world.” Konoe blinked up at him with the same honey-colored eyes as Leaks. “Is that wrong?”

Well, Leaks supposed Konoe wasn’t completely wrong, but he wasn’t ready to admit it. He wasn’t ready to tell Konoe the cat he’d been before the curse, before the fire, before Shui. So he started wrapping his braid around his neck and asked, “And what do you think of Bojyo? He’s the first cat you’ve seen outside me.”

“He’s weird, but I like him. I think. But…” Konoe’s ears started to droop, and Leaks didn’t miss it. “Now I _know_ I’m weird. Firi says it too,” he said in explanation, “that cats don’t have crooked tails. That means something is wrong with me, right? Is that why I can’t see other cats?”

Oh. This conversation sounded familiar. It reminded Leaks of the thoughts he’d grown up with, watching the ribika from the outside while he was exiled. All for what? At his most painful moments, he’d desperately ask Bojyo, “ _What’s wrong with me? Why am I the different one?_ ”

Konoe was starting to curl into himself, and Leaks sighed. He dragged the kitten to his lap. “You shouldn’t be ashamed of your tail,” he said meaningfully. “Cats hate others that stand apart, that are special in anyway.” You had cast-offs like Leaks, orphans like Konoe, and then those killed like Shui… “It was the same for me. The black color of my fur is cursed, you know?”

“Really?” Konoe was shocked. His eyes flew up to Leaks’ ears, and he frowned. “But -- I like it. I wish mine was like that. Then we really would be the same.” He smiled as he said it, the sincere love obvious on his face.

“ _This color is so pretty. How could anyone hate it?_ ”

Leaks glanced away, unable to look at Konoe. The words, that smile -- even if it was from a mouth that mirrored his -- it all just reminded Leaks so vividly of Shui. Kind, naive, _stupid_ Shui. Something clenched and writhed in Leaks heart, but he couldn’t be certain from what emotion it birthed from.

Because when it came down to it, anger was just another form of pain.

“You shouldn’t wish for something like that,” Leaks finally managed. “The color you have now… You should be proud of it. Your tail too. Own your body with pride, so that none can tear you down.” It was hard to say it, knowing that Leaks was going to only place more curses on Konoe’s being and stain him black in the end -- but it wouldn’t be in the way Konoe wished.

“Leaks…?” Konoe tried to meet his gaze, but Leaks refused.

After a long moment of thick silence, Konoe sidled closer on Leaks’ lap. He nuzzled into Leaks’ chest, purring softly. Then, after the pass of a few heartbeats, his small voice started to fill the room with song, and Leaks’ whole being froze.

He’d never heard Konoe sing before. Humming among the clovers, sure. Singing in silly rhythms in the trees, yes. But not this. The melody was simple, and the tone wasn’t perfect, but there was an inescapable pull in his voice that was almost enchanting. Konoe sang while clutching at Leaks with his tiny hands, as if the physical contact would help the emotion of his song reach Leaks’ heart.

He released a shaky breath. “Where did you learn that?”

Konoe’s voice cadenced before he answered. “Nowhere. Sometimes songs just come to me.” His ears lowered. “Is that bad? You still look sad.”

Sad? Had Konoe sung to try and cheer him up? Had the pain been that obvious on his face? “You’re just a kitten,” he said, throat feeling dry. He pet a hand between Konoe’s ears. “You don’t have to worry about me.” The brush was still on the bed, and Leaks picked it up. “Your hair is getting long. I can braid it for you too, if you’d like.”

Konoe perked up and nodded fast, turning around. Leaks gathered up his hair and started brushing, if anything to distract himself from the confusing mix of emotion swirling in his chest like an approaching storm. As he brushed and started weaving Konoe’s hair into a small plait, Konoe started humming the same song from before.

Leaks didn’t ask him to stop. Instead, he let the innocent melody wash over him in warm waves that recalled the memory of Leaks waking up to the gentle strumming of a lute, looking up to see Shui’s smiling face. It was uncanny how Leaks had taken so much from Konoe, yet he still retained such striking features from his father. It was as if he were here in the room, watching Leaks run his fingers through his son’s hair while he sang, love in his green eyes.

For a few precious minutes, it felt like peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly I had over 9000 ideas for papa Leaks and his adoptive children Konoe and Firi but I'd end up writing a novel at that rate orz but I hoped this warmed your heart! Sometimes Leaks is allowed to be happy. Sometimes :")
> 
> If you'd like to fangirl with me or inquire about making a commission, visit me on twitter @fuwajellyfish


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